My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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