cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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