you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize