So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
