maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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