I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
