you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
