lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
