walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
