I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize