Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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