You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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