Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
