If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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