TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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