This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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