So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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