I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
