And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
