Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
