If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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