you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
