Banned from zoo.
Again?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize