Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
