How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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