It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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