Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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