Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
