someone get that fucking seahorse.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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