in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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