oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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