He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
