Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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