look no pants
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
