Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just tell him i said nine months
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
