he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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