He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you. Go after that dick
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