I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up under a house in Key West
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