remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
