I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
