I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
