I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
