after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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