Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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