I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
