im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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