Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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