Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
