I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize