i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
whose parrot is this?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
