I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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