I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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