did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
