So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
