I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
