its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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