You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize