her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
