I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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