found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
