You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
