We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
