She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Non-Jews are for practice
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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