Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
