If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
