I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
