shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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