i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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