Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
