So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
