Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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