Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
