every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
