ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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