..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
