Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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