Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
