He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
