I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
