I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
