dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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