You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
